I’ve had a moment of clarity which I need to write about before I move onto the next phase of my life.

Very recently I found myself trawling through websites and forums on any latest news regarding all things gambling and realised that I was still getting myself more and more immersed in this subject. It’s only now I stopped to realise that I’m roughly one month away from the end of my 365 days. I’ve got myself so hung up on my passion for change that I didn’t realise it was starting to affect me negatively again. My thinking, wherever I am or whatever I’m doing, is starting to be taken over by the subject. And it has started to affect me so much that I need to act now one way or the other.

Most recently I spent some time out in Spain and instead of working out my next move workwise, and maybe even a different career, I was planning the next development of my site and who I wanted to meet next on the campaign front. I’ve just realised that was completely wrong.

I also have the renewal fees due for my site in June and to be honest I just can’t afford it at the moment. One thing I will say in my defence is people sometimes forget you are funding this out of your own pocket, and my pockets aren’t very deep!

So here are my conclusions.

Question.

What do Michael O’Grady, Philip Mawer, Keith Gillespie, Justyn Larcombe, James Petherick, Niall McNamee, Paul Merson, Sam Hollis, Owen Baily, Nathan Hindmarsh all have in common?

They all had the courage to speak out about their gambling addiction in the hope that it deters others and warn them about the dreadful consequences it  brings. How it manifests itself and carries with it absolute despair and that, in some cases, nearly brought about the most awful outcome of all.

Today I salute all of them and a few others I’m sure, whose story I haven’t come across. The reason I do so is that this last four weeks or so has been a real eye opener.

It was about a month ago I started the ‘Your Story’ section on my site and whilst there are some I will receive shortly, there are still only ten on the site.

When you bet on yourself you give yourself permission to chase your dreams….

No amount of betting against yourself is going to bring your dreams to life!

As I haven’t written for some time I thought I needed to open up with a line to grab your attention! How true the above actually is.

Will start writing again this week and more stories to be uploaded shortly....

Well, I'll keep it brief...as ever long story! lol.

Just got back from Spain as I needed time out and I return re-energised and, more importantly, refocused. I have my boys all week this week :) and all my spare time will be spent working on the things I'd promised to bring you on this site. Namely, Top 10 Tips for beating Gambling Addiction and the My Story section.

All being well I expect this to be up and running in the next couple of weeks.

Hope you're all well and many thanks for the continuing messages of support :)

P.S. Please keep your stories coming in or feel free to leave your contact details by sending me a message on site.

Ok, quite simply I consider this the most important blog update since the site started 4 months ago.

But let me address the BBC documentary first.

BBC’s Inside Out

Firstly it’s fair to say the BBC Inside Out programme aired last Monday, and due to be aired in the London region tonight (Monday 7^th), set me back in the early part of last week.

Hi Roger

Is it such a secret addiction? It needs not to be though. The more it's destructive nature is exposed, the government will have to take notice.

Smoking adverts have all been banned but there is no comparison to the ill effects of a gambling addiction in my opinion. And giving up smoking is a million times easier! 

These sickening adverts should be banned. I believe it is no exaggeration to say that to continue to accept this gambling culture will destroy the life and soul of our nation.

You are doing a good thing - it's tough to bear your soul but please don't hide as you are helping so many.

God bless

I have struggled this last couple of weeks sometimes with the enormity of what I’ve become and the exposure but its messages like the above that give me the kick up the arse I need to carry on.

I have upset someone who was the last person I wanted to have affected by me writing on this site. I have to take that into account. I need to sit down with them and figure out a way forward so as to minimise further pain and hurt. 

The BBC documentary airs a week Monday, 30th September, on Inside Out at 19.30. It is a regional programme and thus will be shown on BBC East Midlands and Norwich first, then rolled out to the other regions in later weeks. The channel is available on your Sky boxes so I will post more details nearer the time. It will also be available on the BBC news website and Inside Out online.

This is a really important programme that highlights that the addictive nature of FOBT's (FIxed Odds Betting Terminals) that you see in all High Street bookmakers. I will write further on the issue after it is shown.

I have also been asked to write and be interviewed by various national media and press articles. So far I have put that on hold because of the above. In all honesty I didn't dream that this site would get the interest it has but I am more determined than ever to put my life back on track and maybe get a little involved to help influence change. 

I understand people who feel I have detracted from my path and not fulfilled what I promised to do in the continual writing of my blog but I need to address a few things first, not least the above. I need to figure out a way forward that minimises further hurt and resentment and I also (still!) need to address the work situation.

Just realised the message function on the site hasn't been working....sorry! 

We're working on it so it should be ok by tomorrow.

OK….How to explain.

Well, I haven’t kept my diary up to date as I’d promised and I’m annoyed with myself for that. It has been, and continues, to be a struggle to secure employment and the nuts and bolts of it are that I’m not fulfilling my responsibility to pay maintenance which I’m ashamed of.

So on Tuesday 17^th September I will upload a weekly blog as I have previously. Next Tuesday I shall write a short summary of the last week. I have no idea if prospective employers have been on my site, I’m sure not all of them of course, but it has been brought up and naturally I am a little ‘paranoid’ about it.

The reality is that maybe I did get a bit carried away with a ‘vision’ and took my eye off the ball in terms of my recovery and responsibilities. Not proud of that obviously but living with the repercussions of my gambling addiction is not easy and I’ve never been one for ‘woe is me’ so I get on with it, try my heart out and I WILL fix it.