thanks apologies

Ok. Including this page from Day 1 was a massive decision. But, rightly or wrongly, I’ve decided to put it on now.

I have to be realistic. I’m a gambling addict and now this has been written I have to get on with the next 365 days myself, a day at a time. I have good people around me who will help me, people I trust implicitly. But what if I relapse? What if I disappear again? I can’t guarantee that won’t happen.

I have printed out this page and keep it on me at all times so that whenever I have the irresistible urge or craving to enter a bookies and gamble, I remind myself of all the people I will be letting down.

So this is my chance to go on record whatever the future brings. I’m sure there may be some I’ve missed but for now….

My Ex-Wife
The most important one first. We were together for 14 years and, once upon a time, loved each other. I cannot put into words how sorry I am for every single way my addiction has affected you and our boys. You have put trust, faith, belief, encouragement, love into me and I let you down time and time again. People will never know more than you the destructive effect I’ve had on your life in so many ways and from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. I hope you see that, finally, I’m trying to put things right and be the best Dad I can from hereon in. My actions, I hope, will speak louder than these words.

Ken, Linda, Nicola and Sarah
You embraced me into your family without a second thought. We had amazing times, amazing laughs and I am truly sorry at the effect this has had on your daughter, your grandchildren and yourselves. I owe it to many people to put things right, not least you. I’m so sorry.

All the Young family
To every single one of you. Again you have all shared many, many happy memories with me. Thank you for including me and taking me into your lives.

Julian
Quite simply, my ‘Co-Pilot’. You know everything about me, more than anyone else in my life. You’ve always been there for me and not once let me down. Love you and thank you mate.

Terry
Two words – my inspiration. A massive thank you. Thank you for rescuing me, looking after me and believing in me. I won’t let you down.

Tracey
Again, a massive thank you. Every time I had huge doubts about doing this you gave nothing but encouragement to get on with it and do it. I know you will always be there for me as I will you.

Marcus & Tashie
Best man at my wedding. Although you’ve now settled in Oz I will never forget the times we shared. And still, you tell it to me straight and give me the kick up the arse I need, no matter how painful.

Reg
For being my friend and always making me laugh.

Jon & Susi
Although I’m disappointed you cut contact I totally understand why. Sorry I let you down and thank you for being there the last 10 years.

Simon
You know why. Always there for me and quite possibly the most honest man I know! Thanks mate.

John H
I’m so sorry I let you down, you will get your money back I swear. John runs quite possibly the friendliest pub I know. All the people at The Craufurd Arms are kind, genuine people.

Dr Neil Smith at CNWL
For letting me go back on my course of treatment after my latest relapse. Thank you so much.

Carol & Disco Dave
Thank you for your help and letting me live with you for a month when I came out of Heatherwood Hospital. Testing times.

Michael & Jodie
You both know why. I’m so sorry I let you down, I’ll make it up to you somehow.

Web Wonders, Ann & Louise
For designing this site for me. Thanks so much.

Paul, Pat & Smithy from pub
Thanks so much for your friendship and help.

Stephanie B
Again, you know why. Thank you.

Steve at LELC
I let you down massively, I haven’t forgotten and I will put it right.

My Ex-Girlfriend
You know how sorry I am at the impact I have had on your life for the last 12 months and it’s been a whirlwind of a year. Miss you and I genuinely hope you find the happiness you deserve.